


My Demons Don't Control Me

by Glaggiebellarke



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bellarke, Eventual Smut, F/M, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Clarke, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Bellamy, Rape, Season 1 Canon, Slow Burn Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-30
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-12 19:51:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10498299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glaggiebellarke/pseuds/Glaggiebellarke
Summary: Clarke ignores Bellamy's warning to go out alone into the woods and soon finds that she should have listened to him. As she calls for help there is only a certain tanned, dark haired boy the comes to mind.Set in between episode 3 and 4 of the first season, Raven was apart of the original 100.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning Graffic Description of Rape and Violence.  
> Please Do not read if this may trigger you or make you feel uncomfortable.
> 
> ILY everyone who reads this, this is my first fan fic.  
> Currently working on Chapter 3!

**Clarke's POV**

"Hey Princess, where are you going? It's almost dark." Bellamy followed me towards the gate.

I sighed, stopped walking and turned to look at him. "I'm going to get herbs for Jasper."

"Princess" he sighed and gave me that Blake smirk, "how do you expect that we will find some herbs in the dark?"

"We aren't finding anything, I will find them in the dark because they glow just like the butterflies that Octavia found. Now I'm going so that it won't be too dark when I get back. It isn't too far so I won't be very long, just a couple of minutes." I turned away from Bellamy and continued to walk to the gate, he suddenly grabbed me by my elbow and I spun around.

"Clarke-" Bellamy used my name just to prove that he really didn't agree.

"No." I pulled my arm out of his grip and continued to the gate without turning back. After walking for a few minutes I found the herbs I had been looking for, there was enough to help Jasper and have a little left over but I wanted to be prepared, I saw more a little further down near the lake so I decided that I'll grab more there.

Hopefully I could try and plant them in camp tat way I will have constant access to them. I bent down at the river and started to put them in my bag, I found that the two drink bottles in my bag weren't full so I pulled them out and went to fill one, I suddenly heard a branch snap behind me. I spun my head around to see what it was, please don't be a grounder, I reached for my knife in my pants but I couldn't find it. Damn it, I left it in my tent, I didn't see anything around so I turned back to the river and continued to fill up the drink bottles. Just as I put the drink bottles in my bag I hear another branch snap, this time ot was definitely closer, no more than 30 feet away.

I turned around instantly to find Dax standing, looking at me. "Oh my god, Dax you scared me, I thought you were a grounder."

He continued to stare at me, as if I was meat. I took a step back. "Dax, what are you doing out here, I thought you would be cooking," I smiled. I knew what Dax was locked up for, he beat a man to death. He started to slowly walk to me, so I took a few steps back, now my feet were soaked in the river.

"Where are you going, Princess" the way he said 'Princess' wasn't like the way that Bellamy or Finn said it, he said it with hatred. I shook my head, I wanted to be alone, or with anyone but him, I wanted to be with Bellamy, yeah he annoys me but I trust him and I feel safe around him. Around Dax, I definitely don't feel safe, he is going to kill me, I know it.

I looked at where camp was and then at Dax, I slowly bent down and grabbed my bag, Dax started walking faster towards me. I ran as fast as I could in the direction of camp. I made it into the forest, only a few minutes away from camp. I tripped over a tree root and fell straight to the ground, _shit_. Suddenly I felt someone grab my hair and then push my head back into the ground.

"I said where are you going, Princess." He lifted my head back up grabbed me by the neck and squeezed it so tight, I gasped for air. "You see Bellamy was our leader then you messed with him and now he follows you, a privledged little slut. Did you sleep with him, give him a good time." I shook my head, "no, well your going to give me a good time, and then- and then I'm going to kill you. I shook my head and tried to scream but his hand was over my mouth, the other hand pushing under my pants. _No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no_.

I have to do something, I need to get away. I bit down as hard as I could on his fingers, his blood dripped into my mouth, he pulled both of his hands back quickly. "Help, help, hel-" I screamed at the top of my lungs, but my throat stings, suddenly his hand was back over my mouth.

Dax grabbed something out of his pocket and stuffed it in my mouth, using it as a gag. "You little bitch." He put one hand up my top and the other down my pants, I hit at his chest and kicked my legs hoping to break free, but I knew I couldn't. Tears rolled down my cheeks fast, my whole body shook. He pulled out his knife and held it to my stomach and cut, my stomach stung, he put the knife to my top and cut down the middle through my bra. He moved the knife over the top of my breast and sliced. He unbuckled my pants and pulled them down to my knees, then he cut my underwear and ripped them off. The tears were rolling down my eyes so fast, my vision became blurry.

"Clarke, Clarke, where are you?" Bellamy called, he sounded scared, like he knew I was in trouble, he sounded like he was far away. I tried to scream but I couldn't, it sounded muffled and definitely wasn't loud enough for Bellamy to hear, but Dax had heard Bellamy and me and he was angry. He quickly pulled his pants down and entered me, thrusting hard and fast, his hands were roaming my body, everywhere he touched burned and felt dirty. He kissed me and stuck his tongue down my throat and pushed hard on my hips.

He pulled out of me and stuck his dick in my mouth and thrusted hard, I started to choke, then he grabbed me by the throat and pulled out. He put his dick back in me and thrusted so hard it felt bruised, Dax bent down and whispered into my ear, "no one is going to save you" and then he laughed. He pulled his knife to my wrist and cut, he wote 'slut' onto my wrist, it was definitely going to scar, the whole time I was screaming into the gag, it must have been loud because suddenly Dax was off me.

I looked up to see Bellamy on Dax, he punched him over and over again. He reached to his belt and pulled out his gun and held it to Dax's head and pulled the trigger, but I didn't hear the gunshot.

Then I remembered Wells emptied the gun on the panther when we found Jasper. I took off the gag and tried to warn Bellamy, but no noise was coming out, my throat was stinging Dax knocked the gun out of Bellamy's hand and pulled his knife out and pushed Bellamy to the ground and turned to me. All of a sudden I was being held up by Dax with a knife to my throat, Bellamy got up and just stared into my eyes, I stared straight back at him, their was fear in his eyes.

"Clarke" Bellamy started walking forward and looked over my body, only to check if I was hurt, he didn't do it to see me naked or because I couldn't stop him, he saw the cuts over body and face and then he saw my arm and stopped. Suddenly Bellamy's eyes filled with rage he went to move forward but Dax shook his head and pulled me closer as a shield.

"Stop, stop now Bellamy or this goes into your little bitches leg" Dax pulled the knife from my throat and waved it in front of Bellamy before returning it to my throat.

Tears soaked my face, "Be-Be-Bell-Bellamy-Bellamy" my breathing became unsteady because my crying had become so intense.

"Shut up you bitch" Dax pulled the knife from my throat and stabbed it into my leg and then back out. I dropped to the floor, and now Dax was standing only with a knife and Bellamy lunged at Dax. He grabbed Dax's hand that had the knife and I could hear the breaking of the bones, he grabbed the knife and tried to stab Dax but he ran backwards and fell to the floor. Bellamy was on him the second he landed and stabbed him in the chest, repeatedly, long after he was dead.

Bellamy sat over him for a while and then it was like he suddenly realized what had happened to me and he jumped up and ran over to me. I pushed away as far and as fast as I could, all of a sudden I couldn't breath, I gasped in air. I was having a panic attack, I used to get them when I was locked up after my dad was floated but I always could control them, this one I was unprepared for and I couldn't stop it. I grabbed my neck trying to breath and Bellamy knelled down beside me, he didn't touch me and kept his distance but he kept repeating something but it calmed me down.

Bellamy stood up and looked worriedly at me, "Clarke, hey I'm here I'll look after you okay, I'll never let anyone hurt you again, hey, just look at me." I started to shiver and Bellamy must of noticed because he quickly took off his jacket and then shirt, I had completely forgot that I was naked. Bellamy dropped to his knees and held out his shirt and jacket just close enough so that I could reach, he was afraid to scare me again.

I took his shirt and jacket and put them on as quickly as I could, I zipped up the jacket to the very top. I looked over at Bellamy who looked like he was on the verge of tears, that's when I remembered I was crying the whole time. I couldn't put my pants on because I couldn't stand up. I tried to pull them up anyway but winced at the pain, Bellamy jumped up and walked over to me cautiously and lifted me up.

I pulled up my pants quickly so that the pain wasn't drawn out and we sat back down. I turned to Bellamy and hugged him as tight as I could and cried into his chest while he cried into my hair. We held each other for what felt like hours before anyone moved our spoke. "Clarke, I'm so sorry, I'm so, so sorry." I looked up at him and shook my head.

"No, y-you didn't do any-anything, okay" my voice cracked. I turned back into his chest and cried until I fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Bellamy start to deal with the aftermath of what happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy guys I'm back with another Chapter, sorry it took longer than expected, my laptop died and I hadn't saved it so I had to re-write the entire chapter. Hope you enjoy!

**Bellamy's POV**

Clarke fell asleep in my lap, I stared down at her and started to cry again, Clarke is so strong and she didn't deserve to be raped and hurt, Clarke has always been such a positive person, she has been our light. I brushed my thumb over the cut on her cheek that had now stopped bleeding, I picked up her limp wrist to see what Dax had done to her. I saw blood all over her wrist just like early, then I remembered she had lost a lot of blood because of her wrist and it could get infected.

 

I picked her up and carried her in my arms back to camp, Miller was the person who opened up the gates for me when I got worried why Clarke wasn't back yet. Miller saw me holding Clarke, both of us covered in blood, I hadn't even realized until I saw Miller's face.

 

"Jasper, open up the gate now, it's Clarke and Bellamy" Miller called, "Jasper hurry up Clarke is hurt," he added.

 

The gate opened up and I ran over to the dropship with Clarke, who was still asleep in my arms. I saw everyone staring at their leaders, one covered in blood and topless while the other is unconscious, bleeding and is wearing the other leaders top and jacket.

 

"What the hell happened" Raven called, chasing after me.

 

I started to cry again, just at the thought of what happened to Clarke. I placed her down on a make-shift medical table that Jasper had been using earlier that day. Octavia, Raven, Jasper and Miller ran into the dropship after me.

 

"Hey, Bellamy it's okay, what happened to Clarke?" Octavia pulled me into a hug, she knows that I don't cry about insignificant things, so it was clear something happened that wasn't obvious.

 

Jasper wet a cloth and started to wipe the blood off of Clarke's body. "What's this?" Jasper lifted up Clarke's wrist that was covered in blood, now it was clear that Dax had cut the word 'slut' onto Clarke's wrist. I shook my head, when I found Clarke, Dax was on her and was cutting her wrist, her muffled screams are what caught my attention in the first place.

 

"Bellamy, what happened?" Raven walked up to me now demanding some kind of explanation.

 

"Dax, he-he-he hur-hurt her" I struggled to speak.

 

Raven looked at Clarke and observed the cuts and the fact she was wearing my clothes, I could see the moment she figured out what had happened, her eyes watered when she turned back to me. "Oh-oh god, d-did he?" She turned back to Clarke, clearly not wanting to know the answer. The others seemed to soon figure out what had happened, and took seats around where she was sleeping, while Jasper and I bandaged her up, I did the ones in the more private areas after Jasper had gone to sit with Monty.

 

I pulled a blanket over her and contemplated whether I should sit at the table with her or not. I wanted to stay close to her incase something happened but I also didn't want to scare her. I decided to sit by Octavia, but I didn't sleep like the others, Miller went back to his tent, Jasper and Monty fell asleep next to each other and Octavia was asleep between Raven and me. Raven looked like she could fall asleep any second but I couldn't, I just sat and watched Clarke.

 

 

**Clarke's POV**

I woke up in the dropship, on my makeshift medical table. I turned to look around, I saw Jasper, Monty, Raven, Octavia and Bellamy all asleep against the dropship floor, I wish my dad was here. I wish he would tell me that everything was going to be okay and that it was just a nightmare, but he isn't here because he was floated and it was my mums fault. I hadn't even noticed I was having another panic attack, I gasped for air, _breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe_ , I repeated. It wasn't working and it was getting worse.

 

Suddenly Octavia was holding my shoulders, she was shouting something but not to me, then she turned to me and started talking to me, to calm me. Bellamy moved Octavia out of the way and then he looked at me, he rubbed my back and repeated something to me, it calmed me down.

 

"Clarke breath, just breath Clarke, breath" Bellamy repeated, he looked terrified, I started to breath normally. "Hey Princess, your okay," he stated once he noticed that I had calmed down.

 

"Can you tell everyone I want to be alone" I whispered into Bellamy's ear. I didn't want everyone to see me like this.

 

"Guys come on, lets go." Bellamy got the others to leave and then he started to leave.

 

"Bellamy, wait" he turned around "can you stay, please?"

 

"Of course Princess" he walked up to me, and pulled up a stool and sat by me.

 

"I was so scared, I-I-I should have listened to you, I-I shouldn't have gone alone, I should have been more careful" I started to cry again. "I should've, I should've, I-I should've" Bellamy held me.

 

"It's not your fault, you didn't do anything wrong, don't you dare blame yourself, it was him, it was all him, you did nothing wrong Clarke. Okay? Nothing." he pulled away making sure I understood. I nodded my head but I still couldn't stop crying.

 

"Bellamy, people are going to ask, they are going to want to know and I can't do it, I can't relive what happened, I just can't." I held on to Bellamy and cried into chest, he is always so warm even now when he hasn't been wearing anything for hours. _Shit._ "Bellamy people are going to be awake soon and I don't want them to see me. C-can you take me back to your tent?" I share a tent with Octavia, Raven and Monroe and I just wanted to be alone.

 

"Sure Princess," he picked me up and carried me out of the dropship, some people were awake and walking around, they stared at me, they must have seen me last night when we came in. I turned and faced Bellamy's chest, I don't want to look at people and I don't want people to look at me. We got to his tent and Bellamy placed me down on his bed, he sat by the bed and just held my hand and rubbed it with his thumb in a circular motion. He seemed unsure how to act around me, "I'm sorry" he looked up to me questioning what I had said. "For freaking out when you tried to help me earlier."

 

"No, it's okay, I understand why, well I don't but I," he seemed confused with how to word it but I knew what he meant. "I get why you did, is what I'm trying to say."

 

My eyes started to get watery again, "you-you don't have to," I sighed, _now I'm the one who can't speak,_ "you don't have to act any differently around me, if I think it's going to freak me out I'll tell you."

 

"I don't want you to get scared around me, I-"

 

"Bellamy, I know you would never do something like that to me, I know you Bellamy, I trust you" I grabbed his hand, hoping to reassure him, he looked up at me and nodded.

 

"Okay, I’ll try," I looked into his eyes and wrapped my arms around his waist, hugging him tightly, pressing my face into his shirt. “I trust you too, Princess.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I hope to get the next chapter uploaded soon, like this week soon but don't rely on that.
> 
> I love hearing feedback so comments would be just amazing and also guys go check me out on tumblr @glaggiebellarke so you can keep up with how the chapters are going. I will be taking prompts from you guys off there and I guess also off here but yeh, also for some difficult chapters I might also ask how things should go, but right now I have a clear outline as to where this story is heading! 
> 
> ILY ALL

**Author's Note:**

> I hoped you all enjoyed, kudos and comments are super appreciated, as I said earlier this is my first fic and I am super excited to finally be posting it!
> 
> Also has any one else noticed the lack of Bellarke Fics, lets be the change we wish to see in the Archive.  
>  <3


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